Traffic Light Chicken and Red Light Daydreams

A lot of my time driving is spent playing traffic light chicken with the person in the lane next to me. What is traffic light chicken? I’m glad I asked for you. This is when you’re at a red light and the person in the car next to you inches up further in an attempt to avoid eye contact. The two drivers keep doing this until the light turns green or they can’t go any further. There are no winners.

In addition to playing traffic light chicken, my time driving is spent running through different monologues and comebacks for various verbal sparring matches that may occur in the future or at the place to which I am driving. There is one thing all of these made up word fights have in common, I am always the winner. When I go over the comeback in my head it’s usually followed up by a Mortal Kombat “FATALITY” voice, everyone cheering, and me being presented the key to some city. However, in reality, it’s never as hyped up as it is in my head. What annoys me the most is when I come up with the best comeback on my way home or days later when I’m dwelling on something embarrassing I did back in high school, or when I got roasted by my friends a couple of days earlier.

I learned recently this is called the “L’esprit de l’escalier” (don’t ask me how to pronounce it) or the “staircase mind.” The “staircase mind” occurs when you fail to come up with a rebuttal in conversation only to think up the right thing to say moments later. This originated from Denis Diderot’s dramatic essay “Paradox on the Comedian.” Here, Diderot is at dinner with a statesman. When the statesman makes a remark that leaves Diderot speechless he finds himself overwhelmed and unable to come up with the perfect comeback. The moment when he finds that perfect comeback, it’s too late and he is at the staircase, leaving the dinner. For Diderot it’s at the bottom of the stairs. For me, it’s behind the wheel of my 2002 Honda CR-V.

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This quarantine is going to be lifted soon and I learned a lot about myself in the last couple of months. During this time I realized I need social interaction in my life. I never thought I would hear myself say this as I always found myself annoyed with people and large crowds. Another thing I realized was that I miss the little things, including things that annoy me about social interaction. Here is a list of the things I want to do once this quarantine is lifted:

- Go to a concert and mosh in the circle pit with my friends, all while risking a flying elbow to the nose from a guy windmill moshing.

- Get in traffic, get mad at traffic, calm down, and get mad at traffic again.

- Go to a live performance of some sort and be forced to give a standing ovation even though the production was just okay at best. (I once saw Star Wars opening night and during the credits people were giving it a standing ovation even though none of the cast was in attendance. Weird.)

- Try, and fail again, getting big at the gym.

- Drink one of those hipster green smoothies. I don’t know what’s in it, but I saw one on TV and it looked funny.

- Use a public water fountain.

- Eat a new weird food from another culture, but being mindful as to not start another pandemic.

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Thanks again for reading. I hope you all enjoyed this post. This week I figured out what to write about, so it was easier to form a somewhat coherent post in two parts. Plus, I also came up with a title that actually reads well. On a side note, the last post got over 30 views! Thank you all so much for all the support and encouragement. I look forward to posting more in the future and improving upon the blog. I might even add a video element to my weekly blog in the future. It’s all up in the air right now. Once again, thank you for reading and if you enjoyed this post please like and share it with your friends.